The Unfinished Chapter
When the subconscious is at its most powerful
As mentioned in my last post, my finished manuscript (Project Chaos Theory) wasn’t the first one I tried to write. Yes…there was one before it. GASP!
And unshockingly, I struggled with my very first try (Project Butterfly Effect), which is why it remains unfinished (but hopefully not for long). There are a multitude of reasons as to why the two projects had such different fates, but like life, there’s a time and place for things, and right now, I’ll delve into why I believe things happened the way they did.
What was different?
Project Chaos Theory was a fantasy.
Project Butterfly Effect was more intimate.
Both were ideas that I loved and still do love. But one was not ready, not at the time of writing. If I’m being very honest, I wasn’t ready to face the reality that I wanted to become a published writer and adjust to the kind of work that is required to do so.
I started off Project Butterfly effect with an idea that I knew in the back of my head was kinda generic and a rehash of things I’d seen before. Looking back in hindsight, it’s because we often start with at a place that feels familiar. That’s not a bad thing. Lots of writers start off writing fanfiction and build off that to make their own worlds and grow to be very successful. I’m not knocking that, and clearly, my path was very similar.
But something about Project Butterfly Effect felt off. I got stuck at the 30k mark when I realized that I wasn’t ready and put it down because I lost the love for an idea that didn’t feel original enough. I didn’t have any of the strategies in place to address what happens when you get stuck (see my post on keeping up the momentum if you’re in a similar position). So when I put Project Butterfly Effect down, it was with no intention of coming back because I thought my writing journey was said and done and it showed exactly how far I could go.
Boy was I wrong.
The reasons why Project Butterfly Effect didn’t work was numerous. But I think the thing we forget sometimes is that we have to be patient.
I know, what a buzz word. But it’s true!
In a world of instant gratification, we don’t know how to deal with the friction of something not working anymore. Luckily, hardwired in our brains, is our subconscious, which knows far more than we do.
And after the events of last year and this year—I won’t rehash it, you can read about it in my post about my origin story—I’d gotten to a place where I suddenly had a little more knowledge about what I could do as a writer to help my story along.
And lo and behold, as I was winding down the edits to Project Chaos Theory, the dregs of Project Butterfly Effect popped up and shouted, “I’m ready now!”
All the plot points that felt too generic suddenly took on new life, shed the old caterpillar skin of the past and sprouted wings. It was still wet and shriveled, so I let that stay in the back of my mind, getting stronger on on some nectar while I finished up Project Chaos Theory. Then, when that was done, I turned to Project Butterfly Effect and look at that, it was ready to fly.
What does the Subconscious do?
I’ve found in my time, that my subconscious is a much stronger writer than my active brain. It’s like my fingers have a mind of their own sometimes and it’s typing out something I didn’t even know was going to happen until the keys were down and the ink has dried.
That, my lovely friends, is one of the great joys of being a chaotic plotter who has a secret half life as a pantser.
I hear it from both camps, I love them both because they’ve found a way into my writing. I have a vague idea of major plot events that are the general milestones, but the way that I get there is an insane maze, one I discover alongside my readers. And the endings—those are almost always already set in stone.
Despite having to rewrite Project Chaos Theory, there were a few parts to it that remained relatively unscathed and the ending was one of them. We’ll see if a future editor/publisher feels the same, but I have a feeling Project Butterly Effect will end up going through something similar.
So my advice for new writers is to trust that your brain’s got this. Follow the winding path, it’s going somewhere cool. Yes, you can put things down, but if it comes tap dancing back into your life, let it come. You’ll be surprised in what form it’ll take.
Being kind to yourself is the only way you’ll get through the publishing landscape. Because if you’re not your greatest advocate, why would you expect anyone else to be? And sometimes, if you’re lucky, the subconscious has already gotten the plan hacked, it’s just a matter of putting it down on the page.